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was drawn to him. He gave up for the night trying to create distance and held her, quickly falling into
a deep sleep. An earthquake couldn t have roused him.
The next morning, he woke before Jessica and got up and left. He avoided her the rest of the afternoon
and even though he caught her shooting sad looks at him whenever they passed each other he knew it
was better to create some distance.
Alex sat in his office and rubbed his pounding temples. He knew he d been avoiding Jessica far too
much and he wanted to just go back to the way things had been.
Everything that had happened over the last several months seemed to keep pulling them further and
further apart. He was trying to keep distance between them to prevent the very problems he seemed to
have created.
That night at dinner she d barely touched her food and she seemed to have so much sadness about her
and he knew he could fix it. He didn t know how to make their problems fade away without giving
her his heart.
She was a reasonable person. If he explained they were doing what was best for their son, she d
understand a marriage didn t have to be filled with romance and love. It needed to be filled with an
understanding that two people did the best they could in order to be great parents.
Even as the thoughts were flitting through his head he knew they sounded wrong but he was
convincing himself everything was fine. He once again stayed in the office far too late, making sure
she was asleep before he entered their bedroom.
Chapter Nine
Jessica made a decision. She was head over heels in love with her husband and he d seemed to pull
further and further away from her. She d been hopeful during those months when he d seemed to open
up to her and their marriage had seemed real. She couldn t live half-way in the marriage and half-way
out.
There were times when everything was perfect and then he would seem to notice he was too relaxed
and once again pull away from her. The hot and cold was almost worse than if he was just cold all the
time. When he was open with her, it gave her hope they could be a real couple.
She slowly gained her courage and walked down the stairs to her husband s home office. She took
another deep breath outside his door and then stepped in, with her head held high.
Is everything okay? Alex asked with concern. She normally didn t disturb him in the office, with
one exception when they d ended up making love in front of the fireplace.
His eyes were automatically drawn to that spot and he could feel his body s response. He quickly
squelched it and turned back to Jessica.
She was standing there before him and he was thinking he could take her right there on top of his desk.
Her eyes held a determination within them that let him know she needed to talk. Seriously, he had to
stop his thoughts.
I don t know if things are okay, she began.
Alex was getting really concerned. Jacob& he began. He started getting up, ready to charge up the
stairs to his son.
Jacob s fine. This has to do with us. I need to talk to you about our relationship. Jessica felt her
heart breaking in half as she watched the shutters quickly close into place on her husband s face.
Our relationship is fine. He didn t elaborate, just looked back down at his computer screen, as if
the discussion was over and there was no need to interrupt his work any longer.
He absolutely didn t want to have the conversation. He knew it had been coming for quite a long time.
He didn t want to hurt her but he couldn t lose her either. He was feeling more stress than he ever had
in his life.
The thing is, our relationship isn t okay for me anymore, she stressed. Alex, I love you. I have
been in love with you for a while now and I can t live in this marriage, loving you with all my heart,
while wondering when you re going to walk out the door. She finished, as a tear slipped down her
cheek.
His heart warmed for a moment as she once again told him she loved him. He refused to allow the
warmth though and blocked his emotions. He would reason with her, he would make things okay for
them.
She d been hopeful to get through the conversation with no tears. She didn t want to appear weak and
she didn t want him feeling sorry for her. She wanted his love or nothing at all.
He looked at her with the same shuttered expression, although she d thought for a moment, he d
shown some warmth. She d most likely imagined it because he had a guarded look that wasn t going
to change anytime soon. He sat back in his chair for a full two minutes before finally speaking.
Jessica, I care for you greatly. You are an incredible mother and a great wife. I m comfortable with
the way things are. I never wanted to marry, because other than my parents and my brother, I haven t
exactly seen a lot of shining examples of lasting love. I know you want me to say, I love you, but I
can t. It s just not who I am. I m giving you everything I m capable of.
His words were like knives stabbing her again and again. She didn t know how it was possible to
still be standing there. She pressed her hand against her heart, pressing in. The pain was so deep; it
felt as if there was a gaping hole in her chest. She really thought her heart may explode from the
intensity of the pain coursing through her.
I understand Alex but then I can no longer stay married to you. You are an amazing father and I
would never keep Jacob from you again. We ll have to work out all the details but I just can t do this.
I m so sorry. She turned and walked from the room. She was choking on the sobs that wanted to rip
from her body but she managed somehow to hold them back.
Jessica didn t know how she arrived in the bedroom she d shared with Alex for almost a year. Their
nights had been amazing. That was the only time he d completely let down his guard. When he d
looked into her eyes, she d convinced herself it was love shining through their blue depths.
She turned away from the bed. She couldn t look at it. She walked across the hall and checked in on
Jacob. He was sound asleep in his crib and looked so peaceful. He d grown so much his first year of
life. She was amazed how beautiful he was.
She loved how much he resembled his father. She rubbed his small, mostly bald head. He didn t wake
up. He was content in his crib. She wouldn t disturb him right then. She would pick him up the next
day.
She knocked on Julia s door and it was quickly answered. Hi Jessica, is everything okay? she
asked with real concern. Obviously, Jessica thought, she wasn t doing a very good job of hiding her
emotions.
Everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know I ll be gone this evening. You have my number if
Jacob wakes and there are any problems.
I m sure things will be fine. Are you sure you re okay? Julia asked again.
Yes, thanks, I will see you in the morning. With that Jessica turned and walked back into her
bedroom. There was no way she could sleep there that night. She would go find a hotel room and then
look for something more permanent the next day. Her son would be fine overnight. She would make
sure she was back before he woke up. She packed an overnight bag and slipped out of the house.
As she climbed into her car she had to wait a few moments because she was crying so hard she
couldn t see to drive properly. When she finally pulled herself together and her vision cleared she
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