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and that for some unknown reason he was hurting. She
wondered what he must be feeling, what was going through
his mind, what his relationship could have been like with his
father that had made him like this.
I know you are a private person, she went on, and that
keeping your own counsel has become second nature to you,
but, aside from all else, if we are to have any kind of future
together, how can we have any chance of happiness if you
keep everything bottled up inside you? You know, sometimes
you look as though you re riding the devil, that your hurt is
eating away inside you. You can t keep running from it for
ever, Kit. The only way to face it is to start at the beginning
and face it down. Won t you share it with me?
Not now, Amanda, he said, pulling his fingers from her
own. I left England six years ago and went to America to
make a new life, although I did intend coming back at some
point. I have never told anyone about my past what it was
like and now is not the time, so please don t ask me again.
His voice had a dangerous edge, but Amanda refused to
back down. Then when will it be the time, Kit? Don t you
agree that I m entitled to answers? She watched his expres-
sion turn guarded.
Possibly. It depends on the questions.
A little unnerved by his unencouraging response, she
nevertheless forged ahead. Tell me about your father.
Ask another question, he said flatly.
His unnecessary sharpness grated on her, not only
because she still felt warm and sated from his love-making
and extremely sensitive to his attitude, but because she
Helen Dickson 227
honestly felt she was entitled to answers about his life.
Keeping her voice sincere and soft, she said, Please don t
try to brush me off, Kit.
Then ask me something else.
His stubborn refusal to open up annoyed her. No, Kit, I
won t. Don t you understand that I need to know about you?
No, Amanda. Not now. He turned towards her, placing
his hands on her upper arms and drawing her towards him.
Let s go back to bed.
Something stirred in the depths of his eyes, something hot
and inviting and Amanda had to use all her willpower to resist.
She shrugged his hands off, hurt and insulted by the injustice
of his attitude. No, I will not. I have a right to know.
The declaration somehow put her instantly beyond all
limits of tolerance, and Kit s voice took on a chilling, deadly
tone. You have no right to anything.
Amanda flinched at the bite in his voice, alarmed by this
new side of him, the streak of ruthless finality that enabled
him to push people to one side without a backward glance. It
wasn t so much that he refused to tell her about his life and
family, it was the way he said it and the look on his face. It
was with great effort that she managed to keep her fury and
humiliation out of her voice.
I see. And she did. He wanted her to share his bed and
that was it. Shaking with anger at her own gullibility, she
jerked away from him and walked quickly to the door.
Amanda, wait.
No. I m going to bed to my own bed. I realise now, more
than at any other time, that although we have been intimate
together you are still a virtual stranger to me, so until you can
bring yourself to rectify that I shall sleep alone. Amanda
opened the door, only to find it slammed shut in her face as
Kit issued a warning, his breath warm on the side of her face.
228 Rogue s Widow, Gentleman s Wife
This is an extremely unwise decision on your part,
Amanda. I suggest you reconsider.
I will not. Your tone just now was callous and needlessly
harsh. I don t know you. Was your life so terrible that you
cannot bring yourself to talk about it to me your wife?
There was a pause before he answered, and Amanda could
almost feel the pain inside him.
I can t. Not yet.
Then there s nothing more to be said. Goodnight, Kit.
Opening the door she slipped out on to the landing, walking
quickly to her own room and disappearing inside.
Chapter Ten
Keeping away from Kit was a hard thing for Amanda to do.
How do you avoid a man you want? How do you make him
keep his distance when what you most want is him up close,
holding him to you and never letting go? She half expected
him to come to her, but he didn t. Was he furious with her for
leaving him like that? She had no way of knowing.
Two days after the night she had left his room, she returned
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